Etiquette

Romans – A Treatise
Chapter Twelve
CHRISTIAN ETIQUETTE

Scripture Reading: verses 8-11 (Darby translation)

E THAT EXHORTS, IN EXHORTATION; HE THAT GIVES, IN SIMPLICITY; HE THAT LEADS, WITH DILIGENCE; HE THAT SHOWS MERCY, WITH CHEERFULNESS. LET LOVE BE UNFEIGNED; ABHORRING EVIL; CLEAVING TO GOOD: AS TO BROTHERLY LOVE, KINDLY AFFECTIONED TOWARDS ONE ANOTHER: AS TO HONOR, EACH TAKING THE LEAD IN PAYING IT TO THE OTHER: AS TO DILIGENT ZEALOUSNESS, NOT SLOTHFUL; IN SPIRIT FERVENT; SERVING THE LORD.

These exhortations no doubt leave each one of us far behind. The twelfth of Romans has been called a treatise on Christian etiquette, and if its precepts were put into practice we would all bear a bright and creditable testimony to the Lord who has bought us.

It is well for us to go through these items with due cohsideration, in the hope of applying them to our individual lives.

In verse 8 Paul says: “he that leads, with diligence.” We are living in an age when leadership is greatly stressed. The men who are usually accorded leadership in the Body of Christ today frequently partake of a dictator’s attitude. True Christian leadership entails example. A real leader of God’s people is one who goes before them, showing them the manner in which they ought to walk. We have this beautifully illustrated to us in the tenth chapter of John, regarding the Lord Jesus Christ as the Good Shepherd. He leads them out; He goes before them. In other words, the leadership of our Lord Jesus in the Christian pathway is this: He does not ask His sheep to go anywhere He has not first gone Himself. There is no human experience a Christian may encounter, except the experience of sin, that the Lord Jesus has not already gone through and knows it thoroughly. The Lord has “under shepherds,” who are the real leaders, and Paul enjoins them to do it with diligence. If we are going to be examples to the flock of God, indolence, apathy, or self-complacency must have no part in our lives. He who is out in front will first have to meet the enemy and show by dint of the diligence of faith that he is a true leader. Yes, leadership is very important. He who takes the lead among God’s people without showing them the way to walk and behave before God is a false leader, and he will only lead astray.

Then Paul says: “he that shows mercy, with cheerfulness.” The art of showing mercy is one of the finest arts in the Christian category. One of the rarest Christian graces is that admirable ability to accept a confession of offence from or to extend a helping hand to a fellow believer without assuming a patronizing attitude. If a brother falls into sin, it takes a very spiritual person to restore him, and it must be done in fear, knowing we are subject to the same temptation. Mercy should be shown toward others with cheerfulness, considering that the Lord gives us the privilege of showing mercy.

Paul then says, “let love be unfeigned; abhorring evil; cleaving to good” or “Let love be without hypocrisy.”¹ This touches a matter of great importance. We are living in an age when the word “love” is used with glib indifference to its supreme value. The Christian’s love should be unfeigned (without hypocrisy) – without pretense; sincere and real. Again and again throughout the New Testament, Christians are enjoined to love one another and John reminds us that love is of God. The fountainhead of all love is God Himself, but love is always presented on a righteous basis of truth and reality. “Hereby perceive we love in that He laid down His life for us.” The love of God has been expressed, not in word, but in deed. The love of Christians toward one another must be expressed in the same manner. We ought to lay down our lives for one another. In other words, our attitude toward other believers should be willing sacrifice at every turn. This is not often practised in these days, but still, that is God’s thought for His people.

It must then be coupled with the avoidance of evil and the clinging to good. Although God is love, He has dealt with sin by giving His own beloved Son to be the sin bearer. “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life.” In order that the love of God might go out with liberality toward men, the sin question had to be dealt with. And before Christian brethren can properly love one another, they must live holy lives. Sin will ruin, blacken, and destroy Christian affection. According to the Christian economy, love is not a glossing over of things; it is not a cheap sentimentality that makes light of false and evil-doing. If love is going to be true and unfeigned, evil will have to be expunged from our lives.

Then Paul says, “as to brotherly love, kindly affectioned towards one another.”² What a crying need there is today among Christian people for kindly affection. We live in a metallic age of hard, ruthless dealings among men. The competitive pitch of industrial and commercial life has inculcated in the human spirit an attitude of calculating analysis.

This should have no place in the Christian company. Christian people should be like a family, and a cold analytic world should never be allowed to creep into their midst. No, we should find peace and harmony among our brethren, much like a man leaving his business after a hard day of competitive bargaining and entering the quiet precincts of his home and the bosom of his loving family. The world would be a terrible place without Christians. One of these days God is going to call His own people out of this world, but until then the forces of evil will continue to charge forward across the world in unrelenting and wicked power – the full power of Satan himself. How eager Christians ought to be to manifest loving-kindness toward one another. The apostle says, “Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ has forgiven you.”

A wonderful expression is revealed in verse 10. The Darby translation reads, “as to honor, each taking the lead in paying it to the other.”³ In a realm of selfishness where each individual is striving for the ascendancy, how marvelous it is to belong to a company of Christians where some at least follow this rule of etiquette, “as to honor, each taking the lead in paying it to the other.”

Then Paul says, “as to diligent zealousness, not slothful.”⁴ The authorized version says, “diligent in business.” But this translation is weak and misleading. Paul is not discussing our business life here, and he is not encouraging Christians to become swamped and overwhelmed by business interests, as some have been led to believe. Paul is speaking of Christian conduct in a general way and the new translation is accurate: “as to diligent zealousness, not slothful.” As Christians we have no license to be indolent or lazy in any sphere; we should be diligent and zealous, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord.

Footnotes:
¹ Charles Hodge (Commentary on the Epistle to the Romans, p. 395) noted that: “The love intended by this verse is probably love to all men, and not to Christians exclusively; as, in Rom. 12:10, BROTHERLY AFFECTION is particularly specified.” Of all vices, hypocrisy is one of the worst to which Christians may be addicted. The most vehement denunciations of the Master Himself were directed against it (Matt. 23). The last clauses here are two sides of the same virtue. Hating evil and loving good are not separate and distinct virtues, but part and parcel of each other. No man ever hated evil without loving good, or vice versa. Again from Hodge (Ibid., p. 396): “The words rendered to ABHOR and to CLEAVE to are particularly forcible, and express the highest degree of hatred on the one hand, and of persevering devotion on the other.”
² The Greek word for “love” in both this and the preceding verses is [agape], that great New Testament word which has captured the loving admiration of people in all generations, meaning love in its most comprehensive and selfless qualities. There are two qualifying words which are added here as specifically applicable to members of the Christian family and the kind of love they should bear each other. It is all that the other is, and more. These qualifying words are [filostorgio], meaning the kind of affection that exists in a family, and [filadelfia], literally meaning brotherly love. J.W. McGarvey (The Standard Bible Commentary, p. 498) described it as: “[Like that] of an animal for its offspring, a parent for his child, a near relative for his close kin. Its use here indicates that the church tie should rival that of the family.”
³ This carries the connotation of setting an example and taking the lead in the honoring of others. Instead of coveting and trying to grasp honors for one?s self, the Christian should rather desire to exalt his fellow Christians, even taking the lead in the conveyance of such honors to them; and instead of waiting for others to honor us, we should lead them in the manifestation of esteem and respect.
⁴ A lazy Christian is a contradiction of terms. Having been saved from the guilt and ravages of sin, the Christian is man at the zenith of his best powers. Strength, zeal, enthusiasm, vigor, and the full thrust of his total energy should distinguish the Christian’s performance in business, trade, profession, study, artistic creation, or in anything else that he pursues as a vocation; and, above everything, such qualities should characterize his devotion and service in the church. The opposite of what Paul commanded here is lukewarmness, a negative condition represented as disgusting to God Himself (Rev. 3:16).